Play me off…

Since I graduated high school, quite a few of my former peers have gotten married, had kids, or both. It’s always been people I was only vaguely familiar with or didn’t care too much about, but for whatever reason it always stung a little bit to hear of another person’s engagement. In my classes, there are lots of wedding and engagement rings to be seen – granted, I’m definitely younger than most of these people.

As much as I try to rationalize my way out of it – because of course if I stop to think about it, there is no way I’d want to be married at this age, for a number of reasons – it still throws my mood every time, especially since this time it’s someone that I know pretty well. I’m truly happy for her and wish her the best, but….gah.

I guess I’ve been socialized in such a way that it feels as though the measure of my womanhood is being able to find a husband and start a family, though I know logically that isn’t true. All of those fairy tales ending with “happily ever after” are finally coming back to haunt me.

To make matters worse, since I found out about this friend getting married, I’ve had Keyboard Cat stuck in my head (link is to explanation).

I’ve been “played off” by my own subconscious.


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