Nostalgia?

One of the interesting parts of living where we do means that it’s pretty audible whenever anything is going on at the high school. Tonight happens to be graduation.

As I listened to the cheers and the names be announced, I felt some unnameable emotion welling up in me. Nostalgia? Sadness? I don’t really know. When I thought about it, I realized that by no means did I wish I was still stuck in a seven period day, in a dirty, underfunded school with a large amount of people who didn’t care about much of anything, particularly not education.

I think I kind of envied all of those seniors though. Because I remember my grad night two years ago – the elated feeling of being done, the feeling of freedom to do whatever the hell I wanted and have all the possibilities in the world open. Granted, I’m technically no more tied down now than I was then.

I think sometimes I forget what weird stuff I do with my life, how unusual all of this is. My sisters have been heckling me of late to move out of our little town, and no matter how often I run down the laundry list of the great, radical, unique things we do here, that doesn’t change the fact that this is what I live day to day. Being immersed in something 24/7 tends to make it feel much more normal than it may really be.

When the newness wears off, I guess it’s easy to get nostalgic, to pretend that it was a “simpler time”. In reality, at the time of my graduation I was burnt out, jaded, had lost almost all of my relationships, and my relationship with Alex was tenuous. So it seems silly to feel reminiscent about it.

I love where I’m at. I’m happy with what I’m doing, who I’m becoming, and the people I get to count as friends (and a significant other). But there’s still a base instinct in me to look for adventure and newness.

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