The times, they are a-changin’

Change seems to be in the air over here. August 1st, the Abbey is going on a fall sabbatical from taking in any new guests, taking time for rest and for working on our sustainability (both finanically, and in terms of other novices; two is definitely not enough!).

By that day, all of our guests and one of our novices will be gone, with the only exception being a guest of Joshua’s that isn’t tied into the Abbey at all. We’ll be going from having being jam packed with people living in this row of rooms to just me.

On a personal level, a lot is changing too. I just put in my month’s notice at Baskin Robbins, which I realize is waaaaay far in advance for a food service job, but my boss already knew I have a new job and it seemed to make more sense to put in my notice so she wouldn’t think I was sneaking around or being deceptive (I wasn’t; the new job is super flexible and works completely around my scooping responsibilities).

I get a week off between my last night and the start of school, so I have a break for any birthday stuff I decide to do, though I don’t know if I will – I feel like I’m too young to not do anything, but too old to have a big party where it’s all about me. Maybe I’ll just have a movie night with friends or something, so I get to hang out with people I care about but I don’t feel too narcissistic!

This Friday, I’ll be resigning from volunteering at our Friday lunch program. I’ve been working there for about nine months, but it’s gotten ugly and incredibly frustrating very rapidly over the last couple of weeks. A huge part of my frustration is that I realize that a lot of my poor treatment stems not from my own actions or personality but from a grudge the supervisor has kept against Joshua (and by association the Abbey) as well as her personal control issues. Nothing feels quite so helpless like feeling like a pawn in some game that I neither started nor have much interest in.

I just wanted to donate food, dammit. Theoretically that should work out, since I love baking and experimenting around, and they need food and had been complaining about a lack of donations and funds, and this way they get nice homemade stuff too. But now it’s just no fun, and in fact feels draining. I’m stuck doing the same, basic recipes over and over because I know there’s no room for me to mess up, and if there’s no possibility for failure there’s not as much satisfaction in succeeding.

Last week all six loaves I baked were discarded for being underdone. Funny thing when we sliced one open though, it was perfectly done. I mean, fantastic. At first I was really, really angry, but as the week has worn on I’ve started to focus on other things.

Since we’ve been working through this bread for the last week, whenever it’s served there’s always at least one quip of “You know, this bread isn’t sturdy enough to tile my floor…”. Better to laugh than to be bitter and angry 🙂

Resigning there leaves me a spot open on my praxis day, at least for the next month until I go to school, when my praxis goodness gets switched over to Thursday.

I think it’s important for me to have a day to go out and work all over the community and do things I care about, so I’ll probably keep working at the library (awkwardness and all), but I’m really excited about finding something new to fill my other slot. One of my options is working with someone on murals, which I would love to do, even though my painting skills are so-so.

So there’s change all over the place, but I think it’s for the better. On a highly materialistic note , one of those changes happens to be that in about a day and a half I’ll have a phone! Whoooo! After several months, it’ll be really nice to not only have a phone, but an iPhone to boot. Death grip issues aside, I’m pretty excited, I have the tracking up in a new tab so I can check in on it.

I’ve managed to get myself into a lot of long term crafty projects, but I’m bouncing around from one to the next so I don’t get too discouraged. I still need to design a hat for someone, but it’s incredibly frustrating because I have a certain shape I’m going for but even if I drastically change the pattern, my mini-mockups still look exactly the same. Argh!

I have one other project that I’m really not fond of, that I should probably try to finish by the end of this month, but it’s long and time consuming and just straight up hard. I’d never realized how hard it is to put so much time and energy into something for someone you’re not particularly fond of. Gah. I know it’s good for me, but I don’t have to like it.

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