Hello, August!

Wow, the summer is already almost over.

It’s a little strange to watch the summer fly by without being in the semester system – I’m sad that summer is coming to a close, but without the back to school deadline it feels a little strange.

As you probably noticed, I flaked out on the last half of NaBloPoMo after my “stress confession”. In fact, I pared down a lot of things for the last couple of weeks, and I feel much better for it. Now I’m ready to get back into the swing of things.

It’s amazing to me how much it helps just to be honest. In the midst of my stress issues, I was debating calling off a trip to see my sister and new nephew because I didn’t think she’d understand me wanting to just chill out (in retrospect, we’re talking about a new mom here; while she did admit she’d been debating going on a hike with me, I don’t think anything we’d have done would be too crazy).

So I called her and told her that I really needed my weekends to relax, and if she was okay with that then I’d still come visit, and if not then I’d come some other time. Lo and behold, it worked! We spent our weekend hanging out, working on a dress pattern, and taking baby pictures (I’m not sure how or when, but I’ve ended up becoming the delegated photographer; ha, I’ve fooled them all into thinking I know what I’m talking about!)

Oh! Dress pattern, that’s right. I’m actually making some use out of my sewing machine. I even completed a skirt, but now I need to take out my seams and do some work on the pattern since it doesn’t fit me the way I’d like it to. I’ve also got almost all of my knit sweater pieces done, so I can sew those together pretty soon. To help get some of my crafty impulses under control, I’ve resulted to having a “project bag”. Anything in the bag is fair game to work on, but I have to wait until there’s space from me finishing something to add another project. Seems to be helping me focus so far.

This month has also had a lot of decluttering going on, since I’ve decided on a date to move out. It feels really good to clean out my stuff, and since it’s far enough in advance I’m finding ways to use some of my stuff rather than just throwing it out (yes, I’m talking about crafty stuff here – when did I start accumulating all of this?!)

Taking care of my body (i.e. eating well and exercising) took a backseat while I was stressed – unfortunately comfort food isn’t all that good for you – but I’m working back into all of it. Speaking of which, I really ought to go to the gym before I work this afternoon.

(And yes, this was an update on my 2011 resolutions, just without the headers because I felt like it was more natural this way.)

 

 

 

 

 

The stress confession

(Sorry, my autosave cut off the last portion of this blog post. The last couple of sentences are there now)

“Could stress be your problem?”

“I don’t feel stressed,” I replied automatically as I shielded my eyes from the overhead light in an effort to ease my pounding headache.

It’s totally not stress, I thought to myself, stress happens to boomers who work 60 hours a week, people who can’t afford to eat, and those irritating girls I went to college with who were constantly chirping “I’m SO stressed!” at even the simplest assignment. I just need to be better. Work out more. Get more sleep. Eat better. This’ll go away.

This morning I was awakened by a cat crawling over me. As I worked slowly into consciousness, I found myself panicking.

That was a request! Where’s my Request Log form? *flipping through an imaginary clipboard* Okay, okay, I found it. Activity: sleeping. Item requested: attention. Words used: “MEEEEEOW”

Wait, that’s not right.

I woke up, laughed, and gave the noisy cat some attention, thinking about how I must really need a break from work.

Hmmmmm…..

With my hands occupied with the cat, I let my mind work. Okay, so emotionally, I feel pretty good. I feel happy, confident, fulfilled, sometimes excited, and relatively creative. And physically?

I suddenly realized that there was actually quite a list of physical symptoms. The weird super early morning insomnia, the prolonged appetite weirdness, and my recent habit of grinding my teeth are all things that have never been an issue before. I’ve been taking longer to heal, had more headaches than normal, and random muscles are often sore for no obvious reason.

So, emotionally I may be fine, but I’m starting to entertain the idea that my body may be telling me that there’s something wrong.

I feel weak for blaming any or all of this on stress, but it does make sense. I recently started a demanding job, and am working more hours than I expected. Part of that job is dealing with lots and lots of paperwork, and the panic at not being able to find a certain data sheet hasn’t been limited to the realm of dreams. Additionally, most of my support network of friends and Adrian have been away for the last several weeks.

The best advice I’ve received for this elusive stress-but-doesn’t-feel-like-stress was to imagine what I’d tell someone in my situation, and then go do that. That feels a little weird, but it’s worth a shot.

Hating on personal blogging

Crapnoid. I’m already running out of ideas for these posts. Oh! I’ll just go check and see what the prompt for today is…

“How do you like your coffee?”

Is that… a thing? Talking about how you eat a very specific food?

That’s a Twitter update, not a blog post.

Bah, this is why the personal blogging thing isn’t as intriguing to me anymore. My life just isn’t that interesting. And who cares how I take my coffee, or what I ate today, or the mundane intricacies of my life? I mean, I care, but I don’t expect anyone else to.

You know the saying about thinking about what you would want to read/watch/listen to/insertothercreativemediahere and then creating it? Of the blogs I read, all of them have a pretty defined niche with a little bit of personal information sprinkled on the top. It’s easy to get a sense of the person’s personality and life, without it just being about the person’s life. I’ll give mommyblogging a pass for this one, simply because I don’t think I can really knock it until I have kids (which is nowhere in the near future) and still don’t find it helpful.

So now, to figure out what I’m going to write about here for the next 3 weeks. Hrm. I’ve got a few amusing stories from my retail days, but most everything else is craft/baking/nerd based. Better start brainstorming, I guess.

The end of an era

So by now you’ve figured out that I’m a bit of a geek. Craft geek, Doctor Who and Merlin nerd, you get the idea. One of my other facets of geek-dom is, probably unsurprisingly, Harry Potter.

Unlike a lot of fans who got to grow up with the characters, I didn’t get to read any of the books until about sophomore or junior year of high school (and even then had to sneak them!) since my parents were pretty anti-Potter. Though I have to point out that while I felt very immature a year or so ago going into the kids’ section of the library to check out Deathly Hallows, I also felt highly triumphant to have my librarian mom check out the book for me. Apparently I never quite transitioned out of that “teenage rebellion” phase.

Anyway. So while I didn’t grow up with the books, have never attended a big convention, and am not active in the really visible parts of the fandom, I have and still do really enjoy the books. I’ve waited outside for midnight showings of the movies several times, read through the entire series twice, and am always delighted to see the story or characters referenced in pop culture.

Sheesh, I’m even one of those people that likes to debate about how Neville could’ve totally been subbed in for Harry’s role. And this song gets me every. single. time. For anyone who isn’t familiar with the story, this is set after several main characters have died and Harry has snuck off to sacrifice himself to Voldemort so the fighting will stop. No good-byes to the people that have become his second family. The line “mom I’m coming home” always gets me, too (his parents were murdered by Voldemort when he was a baby)

So all that to say, it’s hard to know it’s coming to an end. I already get strange looks for being a Potter fan, often with questions like “aren’t you a bit… old for that?”, and I imagine that will only increase with frequency as the series gets less and less out of the public eye.

Man, I’m getting sad now.

MOAR WIZARD ROCK!

Even though I’m a Ravenclaw, that made me feel better. 🙂

Media pet peeve – everything you know is a lie

You know those pet peeves that just make you facepalm (or worse) whenever you see them?

One of my big ones is centered around media, and TV shows and movies seem to be the biggest offenders.

I hate the easy out of tying up plot lines by revealing that everything has been a dream/hallucination/some other thing that changes the entire story. If it wasn’t used so much it might still be original, but now I just roll my eyes when it shows up in something.

I wrote a long, rambly bit about the latest season finale of House, but I think instead I’ll sum it up this way: sometimes, this cliche works. There have been hints throughout, or if it’s a drug overdose induced hallucination (hence the House reference), it’s in character and we’ve seen the signs that this might be coming.

But when used as a quick fix because a) the writers tried to solve everything because they thought they were getting cancelled, but then got renewed, b) the story’s been written into a corner, or c) everything needs to be tied up quickly, the sloppiness shows. It’s hard to use this twist well, and it will probably remain a pet peeve of mine.

Silver linings in special education

So I had a shift at work this week that was hard. I work with kids on the autism spectrum, and I’m used to getting hit, bit, and kicked (on a related note, I’ve also gotten pretty good at dodging hits, bites, and kicks). Working with this kid that day was hard – he mixed up what he used for physical aggression, yelled for most of the episode about how much he hated me, and made me bleed for the first time.

By the time I got out to my car at the end of the three hours I was upset. I had tried so hard not to let it get to me, but I couldn’t help it. I spent some time that day talking to my consultant for that case to get some ideas of how to deal with it, as well as decompressing with some people that care about me.

Yesterday I thought a lot about why I chose to work in this environment. On the surface, it was just a readily available job in my field. But I thought about how excited I was during training (when I wasn’t completely overwhelmed), and I realized that a lot of that was from the prospect of helping these kids become more independent and self-sustainable.

In general, I love helping people learn and do things that they wouldn’t be able to do otherwise, and people with special needs certainly need that kind of help. So I developed a mantra that I’ve been repeating to myself: help them become independent.

This has helped me in a couple of ways. For one, it reminds me that the over-arching point of me doing this work is to help people be able to live their own lives. So that means that if I know a kid can tie his shoes, but she’s grumpy today and wants me to do one, I can’t just give in and do part of it. That’s not teaching independence. And as a kid, getting help tying shoes isn’t a big deal. But if I don’t teach her, who will? What happens when she flies into a tantrum at having to put shoes on at 14? 25? 40?

Remembering that the goal is independence also helps me cope when I feel overwhelmed or hurt. I remind myself that if the price I pay to help someone reach their potential is some bruises, scratches, and hurt feelings, that’s a price I’m happy to pay.

This isn’t about feeling threatened or afraid, the problem here is just being drained emotionally and physically. Remembering what the point of all of this is helps me to push through when it’s hard.

And you know what? When I worked with the same kid today, there were still some behaviors. But, surprisingly, there were also a bunch of things that really impressed me (as in, when I see my consultant for that case next, the first words out of my mouth will likely be “you’re not going to believe this!”).

I may need to write that mantra somewhere I can see it often; I have a suspicion it will come in handy over the course of this job.

Meme-tastic

If I could have any animal as a pet, it would be a cat.

Simple, and to the point. It’s true, but I’m also tired and don’t want to miss two days in a row 🙂

I know there are some cat haters out there, but I like how laid back they are. Yes, some cats can be more aloof than others, just like some dogs can be super hyper. I’ve housesat for people with dogs a few times, and it always made me feel guilty to walk in the door after being gone for most of the day and have them be so eager for attention.

With a cat, they’re fine to do their own thing and use your lap as a bed occasionally, with no guilt.

And while there are some wild animals out there that could be interesting pets, I don’t even want to think of the training required for that (I realize that this prompt may be assuming that training isn’t an issue, but I’d like to keep it semi-realistic).

So it’s a cat for me – preferably long haired and fluffy and not too aloof to snuggle up with me sometimes.

Also, as a user of the interwebs – the defacto mascot of which is cats – there’s significantly more opportunity for meme-able pictures and video. LOLdogs have simply never been as popular as LOLcats and their insatiable appetites for chesseburgers.

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